Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize