she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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