My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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