I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Rumble strips road head = magical
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
