Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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