just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
