Are we in a gay sports bar?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
