Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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