evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize