why didn't you poke me back
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
