the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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