no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
