you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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