Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
two words...techno handjob
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
