Plan B is the new Plan A
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
