He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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