she was so not down for the gang bang
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
