And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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