Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize