Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
