and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
