He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
