Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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