I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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