Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
