Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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