We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
