I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
