So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
