i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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