Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
