Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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