dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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