so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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