i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
