There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
