Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
