Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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