what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
