if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My vagina just clenched in fear
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
