Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
