If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
