Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
