He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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