Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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