The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
