I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
