he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Im part way to drunk.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
