Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
