hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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