He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
