So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
