i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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