While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
