I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
