Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
