omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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