I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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