He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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