I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
