he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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