the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
