goodnight i made you a song goodbye
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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