used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
