He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
