i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
