I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
