Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
