Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
