Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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