its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
