I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
