respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
