he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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