I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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