come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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