If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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