I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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