Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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