Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
