I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
