Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
