i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i think i have two assholes
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
