you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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