You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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