Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
