How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
