I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
